M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
