We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
