I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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