PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
