The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
