The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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