I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
