You just made me feel so damn special
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
