I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
