if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
