If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
