So drunk, too bad you don't want this
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
