I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
