i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
