Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
