So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
