Taylor Swift is so right about you.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
