If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
