it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
