Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
