i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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