omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
