You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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