just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
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