neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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