i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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