Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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