Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
