Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
