Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
