i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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