her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
