So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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