6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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