the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
