please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
