He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
