Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
