carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We were destined to go to rehab together
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
