i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
