I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
