you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
