im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
