he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
