Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
