I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
