fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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