so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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