imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
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