Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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