I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
