she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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