let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
