She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
