He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
