Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
